Monday Musings: "Letter"
This week I am discussing my poem "Letter". Letter is about a friendship that meant a lot to me that fizzled out. It has always been hard for me to make friends and with a chronic illness that makes it all the more difficult. I had a friend once who meant a lot to me at the time, but they didn't stick around during my bad times, this happened a few times and I let it go because this person meant so much to me. Then all of a sudden our friendship ended. It just sort of happened, nothing seemed to spark it, one day it just died. I was so broken up by this, I thought for a long time that I had done something wrong to make this person cease all contact with me. I thought it was because I always had to cancel plans because I would not feel well enough to do anything.
I was so heartbroken that I was often brought to tears. This person was my first best friend, they were someone who I had many fun times with and someone who I thought finally understood and accepted me. One night I couldn't sleep, it had been months since I last talked to them and I didn't know what to do so I wrote a letter to them that I did not intend to ever send. I took the blame for the friendship fizzling out, I apologized and said that I missed them and hoped they were doing well. The next morning I wrote "Letter", about that letter I had written the night before, one that I poured my heart into, one where I apologized for not holding up my end of the friendship.
I actually did end up sending that letter to the person and I am glad I did because it freed me of all of those feelings. I had a nice talk with the person and I realized that neither of us really did anything wrong, it was just a friendship that wasn't meant to last.
From that moment on I was free to find people who fit into my life better, free to find people that I truly connected with and who genuinely wanted to be my friend. It's not that the person I wrote the letter to did not want to be my friend, I think it was just too hard when I kept getting sick, for them to keep in touch. I don't blame them or this, it is a hard thing to deal with and everyone has different things going on in their life. I do not think that this person is a bad person by any means and I truly do wish them the best because I do know they are a kind, decent person. Occasionally I will think back on the time when our friendship was strong and I will miss those times, but I would not trade the friends I have now or the times I have spent with them for anything in the world.
I wrote the poem "Letter" when I was sad and angry. I felt betrayed and like I had done something wrong at the same time. I felt like it was my fault for always being sick and that if I was healthy that person would still want to be my friend. I am glad that I actually did end up sending that letter and I am glad I was able to free myself of those feelings. Most of all I am glad that I can still think of this person from time to time and not be angry or sad anymore, but be happy for that brief time I called them my best friend and wish them well with wherever their life takes them. I highly doubt that this person will read this, but if they do I just want to say thank you for all the good times and I hope that you are truly happy.
If you would like to check out my poetry you can find my book "The Bright Side of Dark: Collected Poems" on amazon, or you can email me at heatherdashley@gmail.com. As always thanks for reading my Monday Musing!
