My Journey Begins: Losing Weight and Slimming Down
This is not an easy thing for me to open up about, in fact it is the one thing that impacts my self esteem more than anything else. My battle with with my weight is nothing new, it has been happening all my life. As a child I was always "the fat kid" in my class, as I grew up that never changed. I have always been bigger than all of my friends.
A few years back I had the lap band surgery and lost a bunch of weight. I was so happy with that accomplishment and was finally feeling somewhat comfortable in my own body, somewhat confidant. Unfortunately life and Ehlers-Danlos (et al) got in the way of my healthier tendencies and I slipped down that slippery slope back to where I began. At the doctors office the other day I stepped on the scale to learn that I am now at a weight that I swore I would never let myself reach again, This made/makes me feel like a failure. It is a punch to the gut but also cold water being poured on my face, waking me up.
I have decided that I do not want to live like this. I hate my body, I hate being such a big person. I can either let myself spiral into a deep depression about it or I can do something about it, I chose the latter. I won't let food control my life any longer. I will take back my body and I will become healthier. I have a problem with self control when it comes to food, especially sugary junk food. I figured that by writing about my journey I will be able to keep myself motivated, as well as getting the much needed motivation and encouragement from my family and friends.
I decided to write about this on "The Thing with Feathers" because having Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (et al) is an extra hindrance to losing weight. I want to get outside and walk around the town more, so the other day I decided to go around the "bigger" block which is something that is a bit of a challenge for me but nothing I can't handle, or so I thought. A little while into my walk I started to have an aching pain in my right foot, I didn't think anything of it until about two thirds of the way through the walk the pain had grown so bad that I could barely put any weight on my foot. I was still a little ways from home and it was almost so bad that I didn't know if I could make it back. I had to very slowly limp the rest of the way home, tears starting to blur my vision. On my limp back home I saw a man out jogging, he made it look so effortless, and it made me upset because here I was barely able to make it back to my own house after going a relatively short distance only walking! It is Ehlers Danlos that keeps me from being as active as I like, this is just one example of things that often happen to me. I won't let that hold me back completely though, I must learn to pace myself and listen to my body when it says its time for me to stop. Instead of going out and walking I have taken up doing the exercise (recumbent) bike, starting at 10 minutes and building up slowly from there. At least by doing the exercise bike I am already in my house if the pain gets too bad. By documenting these trials and tribulations I am hoping to stay positive when these setbacks occur, to just let them slide off me instead of clinging to the feeling of failure.
My end goal as of right now is to lose at least 100 pounds (hopefully more), but I am starting out slowly and my first goal is to lose 10 pounds, then 20, then build up from there. By making smaller goals and building up I will feel more accomplished in the long run and stay more motivated.
As of right now I am not fully comfortable telling people how much I weigh or what size I wear, but lets just say it is too much and too big. I am not okay with weighing so much or wearing such a large size in clothing. So please help me stay motivated by reading about my journey. The first step in changing ones behavior is to admit that you have a problem, and I admit that I have a major weight problem and a major problem with self control. I am fully owning these problems, but I will no longer let them conquer me.
UPDATE: I began my weight loss journey about a week ago, I have started eating healthier and counting calories as well as exercising every day (modified for my EDS body), I have been doing the exercise bike consistently so far, as well as playing "Just Dance" which gives a nice workout for my arms, though I have to be careful as I have weak shoulders and have already had surgery twice in each of them.. I am using the iPhone app "Lose It!" to track what I eat and it is helping me be more aware of the things I put into my body. I have already lost 4-5 pounds (its fluctuating) so far. I think I am going to write an update every week as to the goals/setbacks that occur during my weight loss journey.
