Chronic Illness Playlist: Paramore's "Last Hope"

In continuing my chronic illness playlist idea, I want to discuss Paramore's Last Hope. Paramore is one of my all time favorite bands, I have listened to them since high-school, Last Hope is a song off of one of their newer albums. This song relates so much to how I feel. I am posting the lyrics below first and then I will continue discussing it.

Last Hope by Paramore

I don't even know myself at all I thought I would be happy but now The more I try to push it I realize gonna let go of control

Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen, Gonna let it happen, just let it happen

It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing

Every night I try my best to dream tomorrow makes it better And wake up to the cold reality and not a thing is changed But it would be happen, gonna let it happen Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen

It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing

And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to It's not that I don't feel the pain it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore And the blood of these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has And that's the hope I have the only thing I know that's keeping me alive Alive

Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen

It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing

The song starts out saying "...I thought I would be happy by now, the more I try to push it out realize I've got to let go of control." this describes how I feel a lot of the time. I try to push out happiness but life with chronic illness always gets in the way, I need to let go of the thought that I have to be happy all the time, happiness will come when I least expect it.

The chorus of the song says "it's just a spark but its enough to keep me going, and when it's dark out no one around it keeps glowing." I like to think that been though I am depressed and am in a bad situation I still have that spark, I still have that bright side of dark (if you will).

The next lines say something that I feel very often. It goes "Every night I try my best to dream tomorrow makes it better, but I wake up to the cold reality that not a thing has changed"...every night I go to sleep and hope tomorrow will be a better day but more often than not it is the same if not worse. I go to sleep hoping the pain will be gone, but it never is.

The last part I would like to discuss is "its not that I don't feel the pain it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore, and the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has, and thats the hope I have the only thing I know that's keeping me alive." This part speaks to me a lot, I feel the pain every day as I have always felt the pain every day of my life but I still have dreams and ambition, I still have "blood in these veins" that is pumping the same, ready for life.

The last thing I want to mention is that a few weeks after my father passed away I went to a Paramore concert with my best friend Callie. Paramore performed this song, and as I was listening to this song I was just hit by this overwhelming feeling of gratefulness to be alive. I had obviously been distraught after my fathers passing but I just really realized what a blessing it was to be watching my favorite band with my favorite person. I never thought I would be able to handle a concert of that size because of my health problems but the fact I was there listening to the song Last Hope live, was not lost on me. It made me realize that I have sparks in my life that keep me going, my family and my friends are my brightest sparks and they help me to see that even though I live with chronic illness and pain, it doesn't mean my life can't be a happy one.

Below I've posted a video of Paramore performing Last Hope on the same tour I saw them on (not the same venue so this isn't the actual performance I saw but it was just like this). If you want to just listen to the song head on over to the tab "Chronic Illness Playlist" and I will have posted a spotify player.