Chronic Illness Playlist: Real Friends' "To: My Old Self"
The song I chose for this week is called To: My Old Self by Real Friends. This song describes quite well the doubt and anguish I feel living with a chronic illness. I tell everyone they should have hope, and while I truly do believe that, sometimes doubt creeps in my mind, especially late at night; doubt that my life is going to get any better. My old self was a scared girl who had practically given up on herself because all the doctors said she was making up her symptoms. My old self is dirty and doubtful. My old self was almost convinced that I was crazy because of how I was treated. These are my cuts that should be scars by now, but ten years later my wounds are still bleeding and festering. The lyrics "I'm sick and tired of being in the same place in my mind" are very accurate to how I feel. I'm also sick and tired of quite literally being in the same old place. I don't want to be stuck where I am, or be stunted in my life...but my old doubting self, that sad child, lives within this cheery hopeful woman.
Here are the lyrics and head in over to the tab "Chronic Illness Playlist" to hear the song!
Upper left: 2008 Upper Right: 2012 Bottom Left: 2012 (and in picture on door 2005ish) Bottom Right: the current me in 2016
To: My Old Self by Real Friends
" I spend my nights thinking the worst
And telling myself that everything's going to work out
I keep kicking myself in the mouth
Opening up every cut that should be a scar by now
I need the hope I always tell my friends about
I need the hope I always tell my friends about
I sleep with the TV on, it covers up my feelings about the past
Here I am lying awake thinking about how things used to be
I'm sick and tired
I'm sick and tired of being at the same old place in my head
Give me peace of mind
I always backtrack to my old self
When I'm holding on to despair and cracks in my life
I'm holding on when I need to let go
I sleep with the TV on, it covers up my feelings about the past
Here I am lying awake thinking about how things used to be
Doubt is the soil that fear grows in
I'm dirty from head to toe
Doubt is the soil that fear grows in
I'm dirty from head to toe
Doubt is the story of how fear grows in
I'm dirty from head to toe
I'm dirty from head to toe
I'm dirty from head to to toe"I'm dirty from head to to toe"I'm dirty from head to to toe"I'm dirty from head to to toe"I'm dirty from head to to toe"
