Chronic Illness Playlist: Dr. Horrible's "My Eyes"

So this week's choice might seem kind of strange, it is from the awesome Whedon creation that is "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog". First of all if you do not know what that is, well you should definitely educate yourself and check it out because it is so much fun! It has Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion and Felicia Day, whom are all awesome! Check it out:

It was great right!? Now back to discussing the song My Eyes in particular. Again you would think that this is a bit of a weird choice for what I usually discuss, but it actually is wonderful because it shows the duality of emotions one feels when they have to live life with a chronic illness. This song represents, to me, positivity versus negativity.

This is a duet between the characters Dr. Horrible, who represents negativity here, and Penny who is a shining beacon of hope. This song represents the struggle between the light and the dark. I am going to separate the lyrics by Dr. Horrible's part and Penny's part. I will begin with Dr.Horrible.

Dr. Horrible:

Any dolt with half a brain

can see that human kind has gone insane'

to the point where I don't know

if I'll upset the status quo

it I throw poison in the water main

listen close to everybody's heart

and hear that breaking sound

hopes and dreams are shattering apart

and crashing to the ground

I cannot believe my eyes

how the world's filled with filth and lies

but it's plain to see, evil inside of me

is on the rise

'

.....

Anyone with half a brain

will spend their whole life howling in pain

'cause the dark is everywhere

and Penny doesn't seem to care

that soon the dark in me is all that will remain

Listen close to everybody's heart

and hear that breaking sound

hopes and dreams are shattering apart

and crashing to the ground

I cannot believe my eyes

how the world's filled with filth and lies

but it's plain to see

evil inside of me

is on the rise

Penny:

Look around

we're living with the lost and found

just when you feel you've almost drown

you find yourself on solid ground

and you believe theres good

in everybody's heart

keep it safe and sound

with hope you can do you're part

to turn a life around

I cannot believe my eyes

is the world finally growing wise

'cause it seems to me

some kind of harmony

is on the rise

....

Take it slow

he looks at me and seems to know

the things that im afraid to show

and suddenly I feel this glow

and I believe theres good

in everybody's heart

keep it safe and sound

with hope you can do your part

to turn a life around

I cannot believe my eyes

how the worlds finally growing wise

and it's plain to see

rapture inside of me

is on the rise

It is easy to distinguish the two emotions of this song. Dr. Horrible is despair and gloom. He believes that the world is a bad place filled with bad people. He feels a darkness within him that he feels there is no point in suppressing. This is how I feel sometimes when I am at my worst. When my most painful symptoms hit they make me really realize how different I am from every other person my age. I feel upset, I feel alone, I feel humiliated by life itself. This is when I am most like Dr. Horrible, this is when it is hardest for me to see the good in life.

Penny on the other hand is clearly a very positive and hopeful person. I feel like most of the time I am like Penny. On most days, even the bad ones I realize that they will pass. Though it may feel like I am drowning, the hope in my heart brings me back to solid ground..

It is not easy to be a Penny. I have always been different and excluded from the normal functions and activities of whatever age I was/am, you think it would get easier as you get older. It doesn't, it only gets harder. It is so hard to not be anywhere close to what you want to have in your life. I see girls my age are getting married and having children and then I look at the perpetual mess that is my life and I become like Dr. Horrible, shrouded in a cloud of despair and gloom. It is so hard to be a Penny, to have the hope in my heart that someday I too will find someone who will want to be with me and start a family, something I want more than anything.

I am intrinsically a Penny because that is just who I am, but I understand the darkness of life more than anyone knows. Sometimes I want to give into it just like Dr. Horrible does but I am my own Penny so I keep the hope burning inside myself, and know that even though I am drowning right now, I will find myself on solid ground someday.

Head on over to the tab "chronic illness playlist" to listen to My Eyes, and all of the previous songs I have discussed.

#hope #despair #chronicillnessplaylist #drhorrible