Chronic Illness Playlist: Bayside's "Moceanu"

Bayside is one of my all time favorite bands and I have always been drawn to their lyrics. There are many songs of theirs that I connect with but this week I chose the song Moceanu.

Moceanu is a song that makes me face the reality of my life. I am always a person who looks for the best in things, I try to see the world through rose colored glasses, but when I stop and really face my situation I realize just how futile my life has become.

When I was younger I dreamed more and bigger. I had a whole world of possibilities in front of me, but as the years went on and my pain and symptoms increased, the dreams that I had grew fewer and much smaller. Reality is a bitch that I try to ignore but she won't let me go. The reality of what my life can and can't be looms over my every waking moment. I hate to sound all doom and gloom but I keep this stuff inside all the time. I know I am not alone in feeling this way, I think everyone who has to deal with chronic pain and illness feels this way to some extent, whether they admit it or not. I try to make my reality the best reality it can be under the circumstances and that is all I can do. As Bayside says "I liked reality better when it was a dream".

Here are the lyrics:

Moceanu by Bayside

I'm s-i-c-k of my meaningless life Where c-h-a-n-c-e-s pass me by. That's r-e-a-l-i-t-y. Praise o-u-r lady of terrible guilt, That's not my i-d-e-a of f-r-e-e will.

That's r-e-a-l-i-t-y.

Mr. c-o-o-l at all the shows Your a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e is old. This is r-e-a-l-i-t-y. And you might ask why Nothing's ever how it seems. I think I knew more when I was 13. When did life get so real? And now I feel like I'm losing my mind, I used to think all the time. Now thinking hurts, and feeling is worse. I liked Reality better when it was a dream. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na. This is r-e-a-l-i-t-y.

I just wanted to say that the reason I share these kind of songs is because it is cathartic to me to listen to them. It makes me realize I am not alone in how I feel, that there are people with and without chronic illness and pain who feel like their life is futile or that it is not what it should be. It is not pretty, it is the ugly truth. I share my deepest feelings with you all because I hope someday I can reach someone through my words, that they will realize that they are not alone and it might be the one thing that keeps them going. I know that it really helps me to know I am not alone. No it does not take away the pain or any other symptoms, no it does not change what my reality is, but it helps me to not give up on life. There are times when that is hard, but then I think of the other people who are fighting and struggling and not giving up and I realize that I shouldn't give up either.

Be sure to check out my past "chronic illness playlist" blurbs and if you want to hear Moceanu by Bayside, click on the tab on the right side of the home page that says "chronic illness playlist", that is where you can listen to all the songs.

One last note, I want anyone who reads this to know that they can always email me at heatherdashley@gmail.com, if you have any comments, questions, or if you need to talk to someone who understands (at least to some degree) what you are going through. We all need to lift one another up.